Every relationship has a taker and a caretaker in it. Some people like to take care of others, to nurture them, to make them feel safe, at the cost of being overly protective, to provide for others and to take care of most of the things. They also have a tendency of letting go of their happiness and putting the taker on the first place, ignoring their feelings or current state of mind. Other people are takers. They accept what they are given: love, affection, protection and they keep on taking more. They also want others to make them happy, put them first and to fill their emptiness. They also hold others responsible for their own feelings.
In fact, the caretakers and takers are two sides of the same coin. They also have a way of meeting. Takers spot other takers and do not like each other, because they need someone to take care of them. Caretakers feel alright around other caretakers, but immediately fall into love with a taker, since they tend to be quite charming people. But both caretakers and takers abandon themselves. Takers abandon themselves when they are both alone and with other people. They can’t stand the thought of being alone so they fill their time with food, work or TV. Caretakers abandon themselves when they are with others. They put their feelings aside and worry about others.
What do both of them need to learn?
As they have a tendency of abandoning themselves, both takers and caretakers need to learn how to love themselves.
A taker considers that other people should be the source of the joy, fun, love and protection. They can’t picture themselves loving them. They simply can’t. They think it is perfectly natural to receive love from another person. They know they struggle with self-abandonment and it pains them a lot to see other people are not eager to step up their game and take care of them. This is the source of their pain. Instead of being able to love themselves, they make others responsible for their feelings.
A caretaker thinks it is not right to love themselves until no one needs them. They think they have to struggle to get the love they deserve and that love is something that you must earn, not something that it is given to you. It is not that they can’t love themselves, they do, but they won’t. Not until they are alone. As soon as they realize they have been putting off their feelings and abandoning themselves into taking care of other people, caretakers are most likely to start loving themselves. They might actually learn how to take care of their own person and how to provide love for their own sake. That is only after they have been faced with their abandonment issue.