A solid relationship is based on the principle of “give and take”. In other words, you don’t take more from a relationship than you can and are willing to give back. This keeps a healthy balance between the two partners and helps to maintain harmony. But what happens if one partner’s needs are not being met? What does it mean; how should you react to your partner then, and what should you do about it?
Sometimes, an individual might be bringing some of the problem on themselves. One common behavior is a partner does not always voice what their needs are. Therefore, if your partner doesn’t truly understand exactly what your needs are then how can you expect them to know what needs they are supposed to be meeting? They’re not mind readers.
While this is not meant to throw the blame onto you, it does show the importance of being vocal as far as what your needs are. Sometimes, it is just a matter of speaking up. If nothing else, it serves as a reminder to your partner.
There are times when your needs aren’t being met on purpose. In this or these instances, there is or are other underlying problems being expressed by your partner deliberately ignoring your needs in order to hurt you. This requires delving deeper into the underlying cause so it can be addressed asap.
But most of the time, when someone’s needs are not being met it is an unintentional gesture. A partner is usually not aware they are not meeting their partner’s needs. It isn’t being done out of spite or resentment, but is purely accidental or even due to thoughtlessness.
Since we all have different needs, it is impossible to say what is effective in
When I was growing up, I always pictured myself in the “storybook” marriage with my spouse and me coming home from a long day’s work to share stories around the dinner table and relax on the couch. But, like many other American families, our reality turned out very different from this fantasy when I was asked to accept a job promotion which would take me 1,500 miles from my husband.
In 1999, I was working for the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minn., as the Executive Director of one of their subsidiary corporations, MMSI (Mayo Management Services, Inc.). I was happy in my role, but had aspired to serve in a more senior position long-term. When I was asked to consider a role in Mayo’s Phoenix, Arizona, location, I was thrilled professionally, but not certain if or how I could take on the new position since my husband was a professor at Winona State University in Winona, Minnesota and would not be able to re-locate to Arizona with me.
I went home and discussed the opportunity with my hubby. We talked about the positive aspects of me taking on this new position-how it was a huge step forward for me professionally, how it would position me for bigger and better things and how it would be great to have a place to stay in Phoenix, since it was our ultimate goal to live there in the future. At the same time, neither of us was excited about the prospect of not being together on a daily basis. Uprooting my husband from his career was just not an option. So, we decided we needed to find a way for me to accept the promotion while my husband remained in the job he loved.
Little did we know
Cross cultural relationships, by definition, are relations involving two individuals who belong to different cultures. Although people tend to focus more on the negative aspects of this kind of relationship, in this article I will show how cultural diversity can be a good thing for two people willing to spend their whole lives together.
The first advantage of such a relationship is that it never gets boring. There are so many things you can learn from somebody whose culture is different from yours and in turn, they can learn a lot from your culture. Think of all the fun you can have in teaching and learning. Thus, when you see other couples around you searching for words you will be thankful you do not have to go through the same.
Furthermore, you will be able to enjoy both kinds of cultural events with your partner. This will help eliminate the cultural gap between both of you and enable you to understand each other more effectively. You will cease to be a stereotype of your own culture and be able to experience new events with your partner.
There is no better way to test and enhance your patience than entering into a cross cultural relationship. As there might be many things in the other person’s culture different and opposite to your own culture, you will learn to celebrate differences instead of just tolerating them.
Although many people see child rearing as a great problem in a cross cultural relationship, it is not as big a dilemma. Children who grow up in such an environment are able to develop very good linguistic skills as they can learn different languages from an early age. They will be lucky to enjoy more holidays
Every cracker-jack salesman has a “Perfect Elevator Pitch”. Every serious dater should have one too. Coach yourself into learning how to speak to yourself about others. After all you have to attract partners and only you can “sell” yourself.
- An elevator pitch is a skill every serious salesman or business person needs. Learn how to create it, rehearse it and tailor it for a specific audience.
- One of the most important things a dater can do – especially when you are selling yourself – is to learn how to speak about yourself to others. Perfect the fundamental skill of being able to sum up your unique aspects in a way that excites others. Cross cultural dating contacts can be enhanced immeasurably by espousing such techniques. Yet many a forlourne dater pays little attention to developing their very own “elevator pitch”. It must be a quick, to the point and sum up your unique personality.
- Your “dating pitch” should take no longer than an elevator ride and it should be taken seriously indeed for it is not the time to have a casual approach. It must be a vital time to reach a new male or female, in the minimum amount of time, with a winning message. Obviously you will probably not be doing the projection of yourself in an elevator but even if your meeting is a pre-planned, face to face event, you should still be able to capture your target’s attention quickly.
- Keep your approach fresh!
- Through time your personality changes and just as every business grows and changes, so do you. You may have all the tricks of the trade such as a stunning website with the most creative and original logo with dazzling photos but if your dating pitch is
You’ve had a sneaky suspicion for a while that your partner is having an affair and being unfaithful. You haven’t done anything about it as you’re scared it might be true and you’d have to face up to the fact he or she is playing away with someone else.
But the thing is, are you going to just leave things as they are and never know if they are cheating on you, or are you going to do something about it?
You may take the easy route and just ignore the situation and hope it goes away, but most partners need to know the truth and can’t stand the thought of being made a fool of, so most decide to take action and look for proof.
This can either put your mind to rest if you don’t find any evidence, or on the other hand, it can break your heart if your suspicions turn out to be true.
So, how do you go about finding the proof of their affair?
You could consider hiring a private detective if you’ve got money to spare. But their professional fees can be expensive, especially if it’s a lengthy process and they can’t find any evidence immediately of your partner’s cheating activities.
If you’re like most people and just don’t have the funds to pay a detective then why not do some investigating yourself?
The best place to start is with your partner’s cell phone. Very few people let their cell phones out of their sight, and I’m betting your partner isn’t any different. This method of communication is especially popular with individuals conducting illicit affairs who need total privacy.
As phone companies are required to log all calls you’ll find it quite easy
If you’ve suspected your spouse is cheating on you then you have two options, either you find the proof for yourself or you ask them outright.
Asking them outright might get to the bottom of their behavior once and for all, but do you have enough evidence to back up your accusation?
One way to do this is to use modern technology to catch them out once and for all, which ironically is often the medium cheating spouses use to cheat on their partners. But it’s not as hard as you think, and you don’t have to have a degree in computer science either.
How they use their cell phone will be big indicator of what they are up to. They may change their tone of voice while speaking on the phone when you walk into a room.
Or perhaps they seem to be phoning their friends more than usual, but they’re using monotone answers like, “Yes”, “No” or “OK” instead of making general conversation when they notice you’re watching them.
Have they changed the passwords on all their email accounts and blocked you out? They may have a very good reason for doing this, one way to find out is to ask them.
Most people find it uncomfortable to tell lies, so watch them closely and see how they react to your questioning. If they can’t look you in the eye and look shifty then perhaps they’re not being totally honest with you.
If you suspect your partner of having an affair and using the computer to communicate with their lover, then you can check your computer’s ‘History’ section.
This will show you all the websites visited for a period of time, sometimes it’s a week, often it’s a
Love is this strange feeling you get inside. The love that you feel for someone can’t be explained even if you try. Putting love into words may seem easy, but it can be complicated. Thinking of ways to express this feeling can take time, but it doesn’t matter because this feeling of love feels real.
In many ways you can be scared of losing what you’ve found, every day you need to constantly remind yourself that this is real, that it’s not the same as anything that you had experience in the past, and that this time the real thing has come along. As well as to constantly remind yourself not to screw up the wonderful thing that is happening at this moment of time. We all experience these types of fear. The fear of doing it wrong or the fear of losing the best thing that you’ve ever had.
In any case back to topic. The moment you feel real love, you feel happy, like you can do anything and (even better) do anything with that person. This type of feeling wants you to strive to be better than the person you were yesterday and every day you feel yourself moving more to become the person that you were always meant to be.
I know I’m babbling on about love and most people don’t believe in love or lost hope in love. Lots of choices were made and things have changed a lot over the years. I know this, because I’ve never been satisfied in my choices I’ve made, but in all the things that I’ve done wrong, I think one of my mistakes turned out to be the best decision I have ever made, because in that mistake I found the real feeling,
Finding hobbies both you and your partner love can be somewhat difficult, especially if you two consider yourselves to be very different people. But with some perspective and analyze you will soon realize you are not so different after all. If you were, you would not have been attracted to each other.
Here is how you will find a hobby you will both love:
- Talk about common interests – go out if you want to or simply have dinner at home and talk about things you like. Discover what things you got in common, such as nature, design or any other domain and take it from there.
- Look for fun activities – search on the Internet, ask your friends or any other source what activities you can do together. Do not go for a boring one or something that the other might not fully enjoy. You want this activity to turn into your hobby and connect you two, not to break you apart or anything.
- Invite your partner to enjoy a thing you like – kindly ask your partner to try a thing you enjoy. This does not mean that if your partner simply hates watching soap operas you should make him watch them with you. He might start hating them even more. And you might have a big fight over this. Be considerate regarding the activity you plan on sharing with your partner. Put yourself in his shoes. Would you like, as a woman, to be taken to a mechanic shop and put to work? As much as you hate it, your partner hates it too.
- Respect your partner when he says no – always keep in mind that you are trying to find a common
It doesn’t matter whether it is marriage, friendship or casual relationship there are certain things that are important to observe in order to ensure that what you are involved in is healthy. Following are some ways to assess the health how you are doing:
1. Mutual investment – Some people are takers and others are givers. If you are always the giver, you might soon burn out or begin feeling resentful. A healthy relationship is one where both people give and take.
2. Honesty – When people lie to you then you don’t really know who they are and if you aren’t honest then they will soon lose trust. There are ways to speak truth in love.
3. Expectations – It isn’t good if you feel bound by “should”, “must” or “have to”. These can come from another person or actually come from inside you. Healthy relationships are not laced with guilt or based on “people-pleasing” only to avoid upsets.
4. Fun – It is important to laugh and enjoy the company of other people. When it isn’t fun anymore, there is a serious problem.
5. Trust Can you depend on the other person to do what they say they will do? Or do they have a habit or just giving you lip-service?
6. Boundaries – Know where you stop and the other person begins. This requires knowing and showing respect for each other.
7. Encouragement – Do you truly want the best for the other person? A healthy perspective is to be happy when the other person grows and does well.
8. Resolving conflict – People don’t usually break apart because of conflict. They break apart because they don’t know how to deal with conflict. Learn strategies for problem-solving
The key to developing resilient relationships begins with the relationship that you have with your self. Other than the relationship you have with God or your higher power, your most important relationship is the one you have with yourself. All your relationships will reflect and be influenced by this relationship. If you are struggling to love and accept yourself, it will be difficult for you to trust or feel the love offered by your partner.
It is the personal insecurities that often erode relationships. A lack of self-love or confidence may manifest as indecision in your relationship. You may fear that your ideas or suggestions may be rejected. It may also keep you in a relationship that is toxic or abusive. You may fear being alone, or feel that you do not deserve better.
A healthy foundation of respect and love for your self will make your relationship more resilient. You will also be able to bounce back quicker, when self-doubt starts to creep in.
Research has shown that some people seem to be naturally resilient. It has also shown that resilient behaviors can be learned. Resilient behaviors include being optimistic, practicing healthy self-care, cultivating spirituality or a sense of purpose, using positive self-talk, reaching out to others, goal setting and creative problem solving. Most importantly, simply practicing these skills will help you be more resilient.
Here are some ideas to help you create a resilient relationship:
- Give yourself permission to ask for what you need and want.
- Be open to what your partner needs and wants.
- Choose to believe that you deserve to be treated respectfully.
- Choose to consistently treat your partner with respect and caring.
- Choose to believe that you deserve happiness, abundance and joy in your life.
- Forgive others and yourself.
- Let go of resentment and