Was It My First Love or What?

Life is something very complicated and imperceptible. It is full of certain and un-certain events; pleasant and un-pleasant, credible and incredible, sweet and bitter, wanted and mostly un-wanted. Many philosophers have been trying their best to find out the true meaning of life; but I won’t say even one of them succeeded. Maybe I am in the wrong, yet I maybe right.

It was probably the mid of spring. I was a student of F.Sc. then. I studied in the local college that is now Government College, its name then was M.C. College. I had a separate room for studies, situated downstairs while my parents lived upstairs. There was none to interfere with my studies or what so ever I could do there.

These were good times, the people used to mix up with each other, shared their weal and woe. The people used to sleep outdoors, just latching their gates or doors. The children played hide and seek and other such games at night, especially in moon-lit nights.

One day, after college, I was sitting in my room, just relaxing in the arm chair, when I heard someone’s giggling or grinning. I couldn’t see who it could be. I guessed someone passed by and entered our house; a big one at that time, having a deep well. Although its water was saline, yet some people of the area came to draw water from it. After a few minutes, a girl passed by carrying a pale of water, giggling and smiling.

She passed in front of my room, just like a gust of sweet smelling wind. She came and went for almost four or five times, with the same acting, just smiling and giggling, without looking inside where I sat. I was surprises as to what was to come next.

Then one day, she threw a rupee coin in my room. I held it in my hand and when she came back for water again, I threw the coin out, in view of her. She threw it again. I again took it into my hand and threw it into the drain passing in front of the house. She asked her little sister to take it out, she did so. She washed it and threw it into my room, saying, “Rakh le ve”, meaing, “Keep it, dear!”

She was adolescent, as I was then. She had shiny eyes and sharp features. Her name was Nasreen. She was the daughter of our neighbor, her father used to sell “grams”, which we people call “Chole” in our Urdu or Punjabi language. He set up his booth at the busy street cross. He started in the afternoon and sold off all by almost sun-set.

This went on for some time; we sometimes shared fruit or some sweet dish which she brought, saying, “I kept it safe for you”. Yes, one thing more I remember, she used to throw coins into my room every day. I never counted them, but used them merrily. Those were cheap times, things used to be cheap and rupee had a value, two rupees equivalent to three Indian rupees in those days. Wheat in those days cost twelve rupees per 30 kg.

During these days, I used to wait for her to come and share her sweet smile and of course a few flying words like, “ve Pathana!” meaning, “O’ Pathan” though I wasn’t. At night, when we sat and shared something she brought with her, I didn’t have any idea of sex. Though we shared meals some times, yet there had not been warm feeling of touch. No touch of hands, no idea of anything like sex.

One night, she came to draw water and said, “Ve too bolda kiyun naeen?” I said, “Why, who says so?” It was complete dark and we two alone there. Perhaps, she wanted a touch of lips or even more, but I never had any such idea in my mind. Perchance, I was so innocent then or didn’t have any urge like that.

Days passed and passed. I felt she was losing interest in me; rather she got interested in some other guy who lived in the neighbourhood. I felt my inside afire, but couldn’t do anything. What was it? Why was she detracting from me? One day, I saw her, throwing her sweet smiles towards another guy. I couldn’t make out what was happening; when one day; some one told me that she eloped away with another guy of the neighbourhood.

Now, when years have passed since this very incident took place; I sometimes think that perhaps she needed sex which I couldn’t understand her demand at that time. Years have passed now, I have seen many springs of life; I have enjoyed a happy married life for years now. I do remember those days and wonder as to why I couldn’t understand her feeling or what she wanted.